EURO 2012: Ireland vs. Spain preview

The comfortable 3-1 defeat to Croatia in the opening game of Ireland's Euro 2012 campaign was a shock to some in Ireland. Inside 3 minutes of our first international championship in 10 years, we were brought back to reality with one dodgy header that trickled in. On an RTE poll, 86% of those who text in thought we would actually beat the Croatian's (a team who are currently ranked 8th in the FIFA rankings). Excuses were made, but the stone cold truth is that we're just not that good and Croatia, despite not being all that much better, could do the basics better and took advantage of our slack defending to punish us.

The current world and defending Euro champions Spain present us with an even greater threat, but more importantly with a surprising opportunity. Depending on which Spain turns up; the one that wants to play some football or the one that wants to have a whine and a moan, there are two possible outcomes. The first is; the Spain that has won all the major international tournaments turn up and we are thought a footballing lesson, where only a miracle of biblical proportions could defend us from being destroyed by a potent Spanish attack. Not being unfair to the players who are representing us; but players like Stephen Ward and Stephen St. Ledger (who has done terrific and scored a great goal against Croatia) who has had limited football time at his club Leicester City (not even a Premier League team) is worrying and up against the likes of Xavi, Andrés Iniesta, Cesc Fabregas. In the game against Croatia, we saw Ireland giving the opposition too much space and if that trend continues against the Spain, it could very well be a long night.

The second (and slightly less likely event) is that we get at the Spanish back four. In our favour, the Spanish defence is far from solid and there is definitely room to get amongst them and give them some hassle and put them under pressure. Seasoned veterans like Robbie Keane and Damien Duff are good enough to keep the Spanish defence busy and carve out a few chances. But these chances will be few and far between as Spain will no doubt have the majority of possession and will dominate from the off. A possibility and likely to happen will see us crowd the midfield and have two banks of 4 in front of every Spanish move and then attempt the counter. Glenn Whealan and Keith Andrews will have to have extraordinary games and have utmost discipline to keep them at bay. And possibly if the Spanish grow frustrated and their fans start getting on their backs, who knows? As seen in the Champions League this season, the best footballing teams don't necessarily mean victory. Even at that, as remarkable and astonishing it would be to see Ireland get a result against Spain, going by what we have seen in the first game, it is not all that likely of happening. But we can still all dream. Fingers crossed.

EURO 2012: Ireland's Euro 2012 vision

Ireland made it to their first major football competition in 10 years with an emphatic (yet unsurprising) demolition of Estonia in the play-off decider. What awaits us in Group C is another monster completely. The might of Spain and Italy mixed with grit and underdogs Croatia who have sprung more than a few surprises in their time. Realistically, our hopes of progress rely firmly on the Spaniards contracting the Ebola virus (even at that, I predict a 1-1 draw), the Italians withdrawing from the competition altogether after reports of several squad members betting accounts have offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands and the slight chance that Croatia is assimilated back into Yugoslavia and embrace love over the violent and conflict-filled game that is football. But if that doesn't happen, how will Ireland's adventure to Poland and the Ukraine go?

Our opening game versus Croatia will basically decide our progress beyond the group stages. A win against the tricky Croat's will no doubt build up confidence to immeasurable levels and the Spanish and I-talians will no doubt crumble at the mere sight of WHELAN and ANDREWS, a partnership that makes the tiki-takaier's Xavi and Andrés Iniesta look like schoolboys (size wise anyway). On the field however, I would expect Spain to dominate possession. As they inevitably do. Always. However, as boring European Champions Chelsea exhibited against the cool teams like Barcelona and Bayern Munich (or as I always prefer to call them; FC Bayern Munchen, rawr), boring football bores the opposition into submission. Chelsea's reliance on long-ball Jackie Charltonism may have worked a treat against Barca and Munchen, and could well do so again against the handbag carrying Spaniards, but how will it work against those dastardly I-talians?

Charltonism: Jack explains route one football to an unfortunate player

Traditional Italian football standards in the group stages suggest a slow start and a great finish (usually over-performing to levels that generally consist of finishing as Semi-Finalists or winning it). But based on their slow start and overly defensive set-up against out overly defensive set-up, don't be surprised if the scoreline ends up something like -1 apiece. So, based on my calculations of our results from those first three games will leave us with something resembling 9 points or thereabouts, which would give us a slight chance of making the Quarter-Finals. This means France or England (or ideally Sweden or Ukraine, but this is a serious article so we'll keep it that way). Both France and England seem like tantalising revenge jobs. The English, perpetual Quater-Finalists and hazy after heavy partying for the Queen's Jubes will only field six players due to injuries, excuses and hangovers while the French will receive 7 red cards for continuously handling the ball (clichéd I know) and will eventually forfeit in embarrassment as super-sub Paul McShane scores a 70-yard screamer. 

Paul McShane: Thundering lummox or footballing superstar?

After making it that far, I assume the greatest challenge to our European domination will be the Germans and the Dutch. The Netherlands will be as fiesty and competitive as they come. Tackles would fly in and cards will be shown at will. The deciding moment of the match will be a clash between Irish member of the Night's Watch Richard Dunne and Dutch warlock Nigel De Jong. After extra-time, Dunne finishes De Jong off in a brutal submission maneuver that renders De Jong's loins void for the rest of his life. Win via submission and IRELAND ARE IN THE FINAL. But against the Germans. A force so powerful in European football they stole it from 1933-1945. A final of terrific spectacle, some of the finest football ever to be seen will be played on this night. Silky Mario Gomez versus the now world class and £54 million quid rated Paul McShane is the battle of the century. But with all the talent on display, it's a shut-out 0-0 at full time. Extra-time breaks Irish hearts with the introduction of 57-year old powerhouse Angela Merkel. As shown on numerous occasions before, The Irish teams inability to deal with the lofty German enforcer costs us dear. But despite falling at the final rotund German hurdle,  it will be a great tournament for the Irish. Beaten finalists is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is conceding multiple sucker punches to a 57-year old German lady. As they say, that's football. Bring on BRAZIL in 2014 where the Irish team will have the pleasure of watching in Ireland.

Angela Merkel: 114 goals in 21 German appearances.